Time elapsing.

Sometimes, I feel as though life is just passing me by. It’s the end of July already, what have I accomplished in 2017?

I’m on my THIRD job of the year. On one hand, I feel like an absolute job-getting machine and despite some not-so-happy working experiences, I have managed to pad out my CV with some pretty decent skills. On the other, I have outgrown the type of working environment I’m in, that’s my diagnosis on this job dissatisfaction malarkey.

I’m an intelligent person, I find bureaucracy frustrating to the point of madness. I’m a free thinker, a decision maker… I need opportunities to put my ideas into practise. I value individuality, creativity, open communication, morality, COMMON SENSE. Working for companies that value basic branding (i.e, appealing to a society afraid of change) over progression, is severely limiting to me.

Anywaaaay, this is all good and fine because maybe, just maybe (don’t get too excited), I’m ready to start thinking about a career vs a job. I was happy being just a small cog in a big machine when I was spending every penny I took home on fun, but now my priorities are changing. I have goals (beyond getting drunk at the weekend and buying the entire new MAC collection), I have dreams of a real future.

I guess, as with everything in my life, this takes me back to depression. As someone who has struggled with severe depression since childhood, there have been many points in my life where I wasn’t able to imagine a future, when I couldn’t imagine tomorrow.

I am in a good place right now, in my mind. I am 18 months seizure free, I am sleeping well, eating well, allowing myself to just BE and enjoying it.

My job is physically hard, so I’m looking at it as a bootcamp, instead of a job… A bootcamp I get paid to attend. I will be leaving in September to finish my degree and find my career.

So, in conclusion, besides not having much to show for the year, I’ve gained so much. A sense of worth, confidence, focus… We are back on track my friends.

 

Also, here’s my weekly progress form Fitbit ūüôā

Screen Shot 2017-07-31 at 01.23.12

A-MAY-zing- get it??

I still haven’t settled into ‘diet mode‘.

My job is stressing me so much, migraines are making an appearance again… I need afternoon naps just to cope with life right now. I’ve started job hunting again and actually found a role that looks really interesting, but I also want to get back to uni in September and the time is a tick-a-tocking.

My dog is doing well post-surgery, he went to visit the surgeon today for an 8 week followup and the dude stamped¬†on his tail, I’ve never heard him cry out like it before! He then peed everywhere and hid under a chair, my poor boy. The vet proclaimed “His tail wasn’t there a second ago, he moved it under my foot!”… A veterinary surgeon who doesn’t realise that a dog can move his tail independently? Just mildly concerning! Haha. This vet is also THE ONLY¬†that he doesn’t seem to like, even¬†BEFORE the tail stepping incident. Weird guy, but he fixed my furbaby, so I’m ok with it.

Here’s my fitbit report –

IMG_0355

 

New job, ‘Girls’ & dogs (and maybe a bit of weight loss!)

¬†Sorry I’ve been AWOL.. Here’s an update!

I started temp work, got an assignment in a nice office. After a week, I was offered an interview for a permanent role… I interviewed casually, I wasn’t bothered about getting it or not, there were plusses and minuses to each scenario. I got it.

And then, of course, it turned to shit! I need to be self-employed, people are just SO incompetent. Once again, working for the corporate machine, with the idiotic middle-managers and endless complaints from people (who think they’re your only client) is just not going to cut it for me.

 

My job is basically picking up the company shit without a poop bag.

NEXT!

‘Girls’… OMG, OMG, OMG. I love this show and I’ve binge watched it so hard, the last episode (with Adam and Hannah and Jessa), uffffffff… Only two eps left?! I don’t want it to be over, but I can’t wait to watch from the beginning!

NEXT!

My furbaby had an op a few weeks back, it was a stressful time but he’s well and truly on the mend and I’m over the moon that he’s doing well. He had his first hydrotherapy session today =)

The only thing that gets me through the days, right now, is the thought of coming home to my boys for cuddles. They are everything to me.

NEXT!

I weighed myself at the weekend and I’ve lost 4lbs… I’ve ordered a new scale, so I’m looking forward to getting that and sorting myself out properly!

 

Quitting your job after a week.

Yes, that’s what I did.

I HATED every minute of it. I need to be challenged, stimulated, motivated… I can’t just stand around all day doing NOTHING. I learnt this when I started the job, of course.

I mean, in my interview, I said in basic English “I like being busy, I like projects, I like targets, I like curveballs.” I was met with nods and enthusiasm… That’s what we like, that’s what this job is like, this job is suited to you! Those nods were just lies. Ok, maybe not lies… But it’s all relative, isn’t it. People said to me on the job “Oh god, it’s so busy today!” flustered and flapping, and I just looked at them with bemusement “Ok…”

I spoke to my supervisor, after she penalised me for being late (because she wrote the time in the wrong format on our rota), maybe I insulted her with “I’m used working in an environment with a much faster pace and a lot of responsibility”, but she dismissed my attempt at enquiring on how I should go about resigning, ensuring me that we would be so unbearably busy I’d be eating my words in just a few hours time…

I was left with the shoes. Shoes, glorious shoes! “I hate being on shoes” – Everybody. I suppose walking back and forth between the shoe display and the¬†stockroom is a bit too much like hard work, when you’re used to doing nothing? Anyway, I actually found it quite enjoyable…¬†I could get used to this! I mused.

Then my supervisor intercepted me,

“Walk and talk with me, walk and talk.”¬†I walked¬†“Do you mind talking to me, about your epilepsy… I didn’t know you were epileptic, did you tell them in your interview?”

“Yes.” Ok, what has this got to do with anything.

“I wasn’t told about this, what did she say to you?”

“Nothing, I just told her when she asked me about medical conditions in relation to manual handling and ladders, to be on the safe side.” I laughed, let’s make light of this, it’s not a big deal.

“Well, we’ll need to risk assess you. You know, we won’t be able to send you back of house, in case you have a fit, so… You won’t be able to go to the stockroom, and do you mind telling your colleagues? So they know you can’t go to the stockroom? It’s nothing to worry about, we wouldn’t exclude you for your disability, but you will need to be risk assessed by a manager when you’re in next, we have to do everything by the book.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m not a violent person, but I felt like knocking the bitch out. How dare she make assumptions about my ‘disability’, how dare she speak to me about personal matters on the shop floor, in earshot of other staff members and customers, how dare she take away my beloved shoes?!!?! I got a little bit tearful in that moment, the frustration, the overwhelming emotions related to this stupid diagnosis… She looked me dead in the eye, she saw I was upset, she turned and walked away.

I spent the next hour of my shift manning the fitting room, gritting my teeth and processing the conversation… 3pm, time to go home, but no one came to ‘take me off’, so I waited, getting more and more angry and upset and hating myself just as much as the¬†stupid vacuous woman who put me in this mood. Twenty five minutes felt like a lifetime, and when the sweet girl came to relieve me and apologised, as she’d been sent on her break late, I snapped at her and stormed off to the till point. FIVE¬†staff members patrolled the area, you know, in wait of the horde¬†of customers who would soon be arriving! The supervisor was blocking my path, I needed to sign out and quickly, before I combusted.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, I’m going home (30 minutes late, you vile wench).”

“Ok, do you know when you’re in next? Monday”

I called out a goodbye, no one responded. This really is an unfriendly environment, I thought, as I left the job for good.

I went straight to my friends’ house and ranted, then burst into tears. “Leave” they proclaimed, “Fuck them!” they assured. I went home to my Mum “Leave” she said, angered. I emailed my resignation with immediate effect to HR. Goodbye.

Anyway, on Wednesday, I went and got a new job. It’s not the end of the world.

Werkwerkwerkwerkwerk…

I started my new job today… It’s so boring. I tried thinking positively. Here, have a list:

  1. “They play real music!” – No. It’s just a 10-loop of the same crappy songs.
  2. ¬†“Organisation is fun!” – No. Not when the display fixtures are broken and the shelves and rails are overstocked.
  3. ¬†“There will always be something to do!” – No. There just isn’t… The tasks are just too¬†basic to take any real time over.
  4. ¬†“I’ll make some new friends!” – Hmm. I met some (very nice) middle aged ladies who I have zero in common with, and three young folks…¬†WHO ARE ALL LEAVING!
  5. ¬†“It’ll keep me active!” –¬†Yes.

I just need some mental stimulation and I hate evil corporations. ANARCHY!ANARCHY!ANARCHY!

I’m tired.